Possessive

So it started earlier this week with phone numbers, emails, and email addresses of people no longer in my life.Then today I followed a friend's advice and threw out 50 things from my apartment. At first it seemed a little tough to find 50 things, I got stuck a couple times. Eventually I collected the 50 things and almost immediately realized this didn't even make a dent in the things I possess. I mean, literally the difference was imperceptible. Some of the stuff was hard to throw out and some of it was really easy and I definitely could have cared less about it. But the thing that didn't happen, which I don't know if I was genuinely expecting or not, was that I didn't feel any better. I mean, yes it felt good to get rid of useless clutter and "things" I didn't really need, and sure I felt a tiny bit lighter, and a tiny bit honest about what I was using and what I wasn't, but I didn't feel like I had also started to clean out my mental space. I didn't feel anything like I had wanted to feel like. No, instead I just realized what a pack-rat I am-which I already knew-and felt guilty for having so much crap. The thing it did help me realize, though, was that it was ok to hold onto some stuff in lieu of other stuff. I didn't Have to throw away things I wasn't ready to throw away- I could start small. I guess that's the learning moment for the day for me. It's ok to feel unready to get rid of all the emotional stuff I'm hanging onto so long as I start the process and recognize that in due time it will be appropriate to get rid of the stuff I can't seem to let go of just yet, and when that time comes I may be more than ready to do just that. So I can throw out phone numbers and email addresses and I can even throw out old emails, and memorabilia, but I don't have to cut people, memories, and the like out entirely- least not right now. That, more than my newly filled garbage can, is what's making me feel lighter and making my head space feel a little less cluttered. I like the change. I think I should make it a practice to throw things out more often.