Ground Control

Con-trol:
verb-
to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
To hold in check; curb
to test or verify
to eliminate or prevent the flourishing of or spread of
to check or regulate.

I'm building a theory. Can you guess what its about?
I hope to make this more than just a personal theory at some point in the future. This may be the next thing I take a long hard look into with any studies I may do or research I may try to become a part of- If I can. If I can't, maybe I'll write some sort of hackneyed research-based book about it and be able to get away with it because I have my masters degree and hopefully will be licensed. Anyway, hear it out and leave me your thoughts if you like.

I think that control is one of the primary motivations in every human beings life. Since we no longer have a real need to seek out means of controlling our environment, and arguably we have conquered much of it anyway, I think that human nature being what it is, we are seeking out more and more finite things to control. My belief is that this is what leads us to attempt to control things like emotions, reactions, others, others responses, our own responses...the list really goes on. I haven't determined whether this is in actuality a residue of some primal urge to control, or the inevitable evolution of people, or some type of neurotic outgrowth of the way we have evolved into living our lives, but it's there whatever the reason. Even in those who willfully and intentionally relinquish traditional control- the effort is still in relationship to control and controlling, or eliminating the need/desire/urge to.

What made me think about this? Ex-boyfriends mostly. Well, OK- more specifically and truthfully- my sessions with therapy clients, co-workers, my friends, my family, myself, the country, foreign policy, Israel, Palestine, and yes, ex-boyfriends.

In terms of foreign policy and foreign affairs I think its pretty obvious- at least to me- that wars, treaties, nuclear arms races, what have you, are related to control of resources, wealth, power and land. On a personal level though, this exact same phenomenon will play itself out in relationships with others as well as with the world around us. OCD is a wonderful example of this. Colloquially OCD is about engaging in ritualized or patterned behaviors in order to obtain relief from anxiety that the individual feels/knows they cannot manage another way. Somehow something like hand washing lends the individual a modicum of control over the anxiety they are experiencing. This is oversimplified of course- but you can see where some of this is heading. In our relationships many of us are constantly making an effort to figure out what the other person wants and needs or to figure out what we want and need and we try various ways to obtain all of it- we manage ourselves and others so as to hopefully predict the best outcome and act accordingly.

Even in an activity like gambling- which in actuality is based primarily on chance- the people who get hooked on it are the ones that believe they have a "system" or can beat the "system" put in place by the gambling establishment. They organize philosophies about the cards, the shuffling, the dealing, the dealer, the tells, and they act on them- all this to win the most money and control a game which seems initially beyond their control.

Anyway, like I said this is preliminary, so this is about as far as I think I'm willing to go here without doing more research. But thinking about it fascinates me endlessly. I wonder what the world would look like without the urge to control. If it would even be possible to remove the urge to control at all. I wonder if we would be better or worse off. I wonder if it's something that will evolve into yet a different behavior and become something totally 'other' centuries from now. I wonder if it has any benefit at all, and if so, what it is or if its anything beyond simple peace of mind. And I wonder- if it is related to peace of mind- is there another way to achieve that? Even some of the eastern religions- while they talk about being in the moment and existing in what is ( that's a hatchet job on eastern religion, so I apologize- but its more or less just serving my point right now) still function as a means of maintaining the ultimate control over ones human urges- elevating ones self above them.

For the meantime, until I research this theory some more, its interesting to think about control in my own life and how I exercise that or choose not to and the ways it leaves me feeling/ impacts my interactions with others, and while I'm not the biggest proponent of endless amounts of introspection, I think its something we could all benefit from thinking about in relationship to our own lives, at the minimum.